


Logan Hesitated

by under_the_blue_moonlight



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abortion, Intrulogical Week (Sanders Sides), Logan is a run away groom, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, Pregnancy, Trans Logic | Logan Sanders, Trans Pregnancy, and in fanfic world an abortion is super quick and easy to get, one-sided Logicality, we pro choice in this household
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26882278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/under_the_blue_moonlight/pseuds/under_the_blue_moonlight
Summary: After realising that getting married to his fiancé, Patton Sanders, would be a horrible mistake, Logan Picani runs away from his own wedding. When he does, he runs into some old friends from high school, and can't help but notice the fluttering in his chest that he gets around one of them.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	Logan Hesitated

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the Intrulogical week, day 1: hesitancy. Yeah, this is late, I have a busy schedule. I'll probably only do one or two of the prompts.

As Logan stared at himself in the mirror, he felt nothing. He should be excited, happy, maybe a little bit nervous. But none of that was there. He just felt numb. The gorgeous white dress he was wearing, the veil that was falling down his back, and the bouquet of light blue flowers in his hands… all of it was supposed to be special and exciting. It was his big day! On the other side of the doorway just around the corner stood the love of his life!

The love of his life… right…

Logan felt his father take his arm. “Are you ready?” Emile asked.

“As I’ll ever be…” Logan mumbled.

Emile apparently didn’t notice the flat tone of his son’s voice, beginning to walk him from the room and around the corner before going through the large doorway there.

All eyes were on Logan. He forced a smile onto his face, hoping it was convincing enough, before his eyes went to Patton.

Oh, Patton… he was such a sweet man. Kind, loving, a great baker, and with a seemingly never-ending catalogue of puns. Logan had been dating him for two years, and they’d known each other since college. When Patton had proposed, Logan barely hesitated to say yes. But now that he thought about it, the reasons he said yes weren’t the reasons most people said yes to proposals for.

He and Emile reached the end of the aisle. Logan’s father gave his arm a final squeeze, before moving to sit in his seat. Logan stepped up to stand in front of Patton, taking a deep breath. As the officiant started speaking, Logan barely listened.

Did he want this? Did he really? The wedding planning had gone so quickly, so much to do in such a short time - Patton had proposed only a month ago. Logan had never really gotten a chance to sit down and actually consider whether he actually wanted to marry Patton.

He loved Patton, he knew that. But now he really thought about it, was that love really romantic? When he’d been kissed by Patton, when he and Patton had engaged in ‘bedroom activities’, even when Patton had gotten down on one knee that day at Emile’s birthday party, that spark he always thought should be there never was. Logan had always assumed that, if he waited long enough, one day it would be there.

But now, on his actual wedding, it wasn’t. Patton looked so handsome in his suit complete with a bow tie, hair neatly done, eyes shining in happiness behind his glasses. And yet Logan still felt nothing.

“Do you, Patton Sanders, take Logan to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

“And do you, Logan Picani, take Patton to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I…”

Logan hesitated.

Everyone was staring at him, waiting for the two words to escape his lips. It should be so simple. But he was unable to do it. The words died on his tongue.

“I, um…”

Patton’s face was falling. People were whispering. Of course they were, it was kind of a rule that you're supposed to say “I do” at your wedding. To not makes you seem like a heartless monster, toying with your partner’s emotions by stringing them along this far. Except Logan wasn’t heartless. He genuinely didn’t realise until this moment that no, he didn’t like Patton the same way Patton liked him.

“Patton, I… I am so so sorry. But I can’t do this.”

And Logan took off running. He threw his bouquet to the side and pulled the veil from his hair, tossing that too. He ran from the room, down the hall and to the coat room. He quickly found the bag with his phone and wallet in, grabbing it and then heading to the front doors. He threw them open when he reached them, running down the steps, before taking off down the road.

He didn’t know where he was going, in all honesty. He lived with Patton, so he couldn’t go home because he was in no way ready to talk yet. He had a lot he needed to think over before he talked to his… could he still call him his fiancé?

Probably not…

As he walked quickly down the street, he ignored the stares he got from people he passed. He couldn’t help but wish that he’d been able to change out of the dress.

He felt a vibration in his bag - likely Patton or his father calling him - and ignored it. Instead, he picked up the pace as he saw a bus pull to a stop just down the road. He got there just before the driver closed the doors, hopping on. He ignored the stares he got, heading right up the stairs after paying. Luckily, no one was sitting in the top deck of the bus, and Logan let out a sigh of relief as he headed to the back and sat down.

As the bus drove off, Logan pulled out his phone. Five missed calls from Patton, five from Emile, and a whole lot of messages. He opened his messages from Patton, just responding:  _ I’m sorry. I just need some time to think. _

He turned his phone off before putting it away in his bag. He sighed, hands resting on his stomach. God, this whole thing was such a mess…

“Remus, we are on a moving vehicle - don’t jump up the stairs!”

“Boo, you whore! Let me have fun, Mr Goody-Two-Shoes!”

“There is a difference between being a goody-two-shoes and  _ not wanting to die _ ! If you’d have fallen, you would have knocked me down!”

“But I didn’t! So it’s all good.”

Logan ignored the squabbling pair of, by the looks of it, twins as they both came up and took seats at the other end of the bus. He was too wrapped up in his thoughts. He didn’t even notice when the one with the moustache, silver streak in his hair and green jacket started looking around the bus, only for his eyes to come to a stop on Logan. His eyes widened. “No way… No fucking way! Logan! Ro, it’s Logan!”

Logan’s head snapped up when he heard his name, while the man in green’s twin raised an eyebrow. “Who?”

“You’d better be playing fucking dumb, there’s no way you’ve forgotten the fourth member of the squad.  _ Logan Picani _ .”

“Oh!” The twin looked to Logan. “Ooooh…”

And now he was looking at their faces side by side, Logan recognised the two twins. “Remus? Roman?”

The twin in green, Remus, grinned. “He remembers! Told ya he wouldn’t forget us when he went off to college, Ro.” Before Roman could respond, Remus had hopped to his feet, and he ran over to Logan, plopping down in the seat beside him. “We got so much to catch up on! What was college like? Where you living now? What job you got?” He paused, finally taking in Logan’s outfit. “Why’re you dressed like you just left a dude at the altar?”

“Well… that’s because I , um, I kinda did.”

There was a pause, before Roman came running over, sitting with them as well. “I. Want. Details.”

Logan sighed. Well, he guessed he did need to vent. “I met my fiancé Patton at college. We lived in the same corridor. We became friends, he was very kind and supportive. Then, in our last year, he asked me out. I said yes, and the two of us began dating.

“To be honest, I never really felt anything romantic for him. But he was sweet and seemed like perfect boyfriend material, so I just assumed that it would take some time, and eventually I’d feel the same way.

“Before I knew it, we’d been going out for two years, I still didn’t feel the same way, and he was proposing to me.”

Remus frowned. “Why did you say yes if you didn’t feel that way for him?”

“He proposed at my dad’s birthday party. There were a bunch of people there, everyone staring and expecting me to say yes, saying it was the perfect gift for my dad. There was so much pressure on me to say yes, to say no would disappoint everyone… But that’s not all.” Logan took a deep breath, a hand going back to his stomach. “You remember that I’m trans, right?”

“Of course! How could I forget? Punching Mr Taylor for not letting you use the boys’ changing rooms was the greatest day of my life…” Remus grinned.

“You got suspended for two weeks,” Roman said.

“And it was worth it. Anyway, Lo, you can go on.”

“Well… another reason I said yes is because I’d noticed a week before that my period was late. I’d taken a test and… I found out I was pregnant.” Logan shrugged. “And I figured, even if I wasn’t happy with it, this was what was supposed to happen, right? Find a partner, get married, have a kid - that’s how life goes. So I may as well go along with it. 

“And the wedding… it came so fast. Patton’s dad is Thomas Sanders, so-“

“Thomas Sanders?! The actor?!” Roman gasped.

“Yeah. And because of that, we basically got special priority treatment, so everything could be arranged really soon. And Patton was so excited, he wanted the wedding to be as soon as possible. There was so much to arrange in such a short amount of time, so I never got a chance to actually stop and think. Not until I was walking down the aisle… When it was my turn to say ‘I do’, I freaked out and ran. And now I’m here… and I don’t know where to go. I can’t go home, because Patton will be there, and I need to do what I kept refusing to do and think things through before I say anything to him.”

Roman frowned. “I’m sorry, Logan. That whole situation... sounds, well… just really shitty.”

“But it’s about to become slightly less shitty!” Remus said, taking Logan’s hand. Logan stared at their joint hands for a moment, before looking up at Remus as he continued to speak. “You can come and stay with us until you get everything sorted out. We have a spare room in the apartment for when Janus wants to stay around, but you can take it.”

“You still hang out with Janus?” Logan asked.

“Yeah. You’re the only one of the group who we all kinda fell out of contact with after high school...” He gently nudged Logan’s shoulder with his own. “It isn’t the same without you, y’know.”

Logan ignored the way his face heated up a little at the contact. “You’d really do that? Let me stay, I mean?”

“Of course! They’ll probably be super long on you, but I can lend you some of my clothes so you don’t have to just wear that dress every day. We’ll invite Janus round and have movie nights just like the old times. It’ll be awesome!”

Logan smiled. “Thank you.”

“Anything for my best friend.” Remus grinned. And Logan felt a familiar flutter in his chest, one he hadn’t felt since high school prom, when he and Remus did the slow dance together ‘for laughs’.

-

It was pretty clear that Janus was the one who would usually stay in this room. The theatre posters on the wall, the plush snake wrapped about the headboard of the bed, the books on law and philosophy on the shelves. He’d made his mark in the place.

Logan was sitting on the bed, waiting for Remus to return with the promised clothing. As he did, he felt his stomach growling hungrily. He sighed, rubbing it. “You‘ll get food later, just hold on…”

Patton didn’t know about the baby. Logan’s plan had been to announce it at the wedding reception, to add another element of happiness to the day. But now Patton would never know about it, because Logan had decided: he was going to get an abortion. Why would he put himself through eight or so months of pain, aching, vomiting, cravings, and more to have the baby of a man he didn’t want a romantic future and family with? No thanks. He’d save it for whoever he did truly love in the future.

Not to mention, Patton loved children. If Logan told him, he knew Patton would try to discourage him from terminating the pregnancy, and when Logan did go through with it, he’d be destroyed. It was better for both of them that this went away quickly and quietly.

_ Knock knock! _

Logan looked up as the door opened, Remus stepping in. “I found some cozy sweaters and some sweatpants. And, not only that, but look what I uncovered!” He held up the item of clothing on top of the pile, and Logan’s eyes widened.

“My onesie? I thought I’d lost it…”

“You left it at our place on our last sleepover before you left for uni. I kept it safe for you.” He handed the clothes to Logan. “I’ll give you some privacy while you change.”

Logan felt his face heating up a little. Remus had kept his onesie all these years, even though there was a chance they’d never actually see each other again? As Logan picked it up and held it close, he smiled. He could tell it had been in Remus’ closet for a really long time, it had a smell that may seem awful to others, but to Logan, it was just so distinctly Remus.

“I missed you,” Logan said, stopping Remus as the other reached the door.

Remus smiled. “I missed you too, Lo. I meant it when I said it wasn’t the same without you.”

Logan felt the flutter in his chest again. Unfortunately, the moment was ruined when Logan’s stomach growled yet again. Remus chuckled. “I’ll go get you some snacks. Be right back. Oh, by the way, Ro gave Janus a call. Movie night tonight!” And with that, he left.

Logan started getting undressed and pulling his onesie on. As he did so, he called the number of the local hospital. The call was done by the time Remus returned.

“Got you Crofters, since I know it’s your favourite. Didn’t know what flavour you wanted, though, so I got a whole bunch. Blackberry, strawberry, blueberry, grape, and blackcurrant.”

Logan smiled as the jars were placed on the bedside. “Thank you so much. Oh, by the way, I think I should let you know… I’m going to be going to the hospital next week.”

“Wait, what? What happened?” Remus asked, voice growing concerned.

“I’ve decided to get an abortion.”

“Oh. Yeah, I get that. Hey, if you want, I can drive you up there and back.”

“Really? That would be great, thank you so much.” Logan smiled. He sighed as he picked up a jar of Crofters and opened it. “You’ve done too much for me…”

“Logan, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Remus sat down on the bed beside Logan, wrapping an arm around him comfortingly. And there was that flutter again! What was that? “You’re having a rough time, and as your best friend, I’m gonna be here for you.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” Logan asked. “We haven’t seen each other in years… Do we really still count as best friends?”

“Logan, I’ve never been as close to someone as I have been with you. I care about you more than anyone I’ve ever met. We are and always will be best friends. Even if we went 50 years without seeing each other, we still would be.” Remus ruffled Logan’s hair. “Sorry, Logan, but you ain’t getting away from me that easily.”

Now the fluttering wouldn’t stop! What was going o-

Oh.

Oh wait.

-

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

Logan shrugged as Remus came into the hospital room, followed by Roman and Janus. “I’m not really feeling anything. I guess relief? But that’s all.” He chuckled dryly. “I honestly expected to feel more emotional.”

Remus gave him a small smile, sitting down beside him and taking his hand. Logan felt the flutter again. However, this time he knew what it meant. “That’s good,” Remus said.

“No regret at all?” Janus asked, and Logan shook his head.

“Nope. I feel lighter, actually. In fact… I was actually thinking… I think I’m ready to talk to Patton.”

“You’re sure?” Roman said.

Logan nodded, his eyes going to where Remus’ hand was in his. “I know what I want, I know what I need to tell him. And the sooner I get it done, the better.” He looked up at Remus. “I’ll probably go in a couple of days. Can you give me a lift up?”

“‘Course, Logan. What are best friends for? For now, though, you get dressed, and then we’ll head back to the apartment, relax and put on a movie. With Crofters and onesies, of course.”

Logan smiled. “That sounds perfect.”

-

Logan hesitated as he raised his hand to the front door. He looked back at Remus, who was standing by the car, a supportive smile on his face. Logan smiled back, before turning back to the door. He took a deep breath, raising his hand again before knocking.

There was a long pause, before he heard footsteps on the other side. The door opened, revealing Patton, whose eyes widened. “...Logan.”

“Hello, Patton…We need to talk.”

Patton stood aside, letting Logan step into the house. They both moved to the living room. As they walked, Logan began to talk. “I just want to start off by saying that I am so so sorry for running away and leaving you at the altar. There are many ways I could have handled this and I chose the absolute worst one. It’s inexcusable, and I understand if you never want to talk to me again because of it-” 

As the two sat down, Patton interrupted and reassured him. “Logan, I’m not mad at you. I just… I want to know why. You mostly left me just confused.”

Logan nodded. “Right. I just… I left because there was a lot I needed to think about. As I was walking down the aisle, I just began having second thoughts. Or I guess first thoughts, because the whole problem was I didn’t take the time to think about what I wanted until it was nearly too late. And now I’ve actually spent time away and thinking, and I realised… I realised that, um…” He took a deep breath. “I should just come out and say it: I don’t feel about you the same way you feel about me, Patton. In fact, I know who my heart truly belongs to. In fact, they’ve had it since high school, and I just never realised it until now…”

Logan hated the heartbreak on Patton’s face. It made him feel awful. “You… But… if you didn’t feel that way… why did you say yes when I proposed?”

“There were so many people watching, Patton. So many people expecting me to say yes. It was a lot of pressure… I felt like I couldn’t say no, or ask for some time to think. They wanted an answer there and then, and they wanted it to be a yes. My father wanted it to be a yes. I was the only one who didn’t… and I was outnumbered. Which I know sounds stupid, but it really stopped me thinking clearly.” Logan reached into his pocket, pulling out a ring box. It contained the engagement ring he had been given. He gently placed it on the coffee table between them. “I am very sorry, Patton. I should have thought things through sooner so I didn’t hurt you this way. But if I’d stayed silent at the wedding, it would have hurt both of us in the long term. So now I think it’s for the best we bring this relationship to the close.”

Patton sighed, visibly upset, but nodded. “I understand… I don’t want to force you to be with me if you won’t be happy.” He paused, taking a deep breath and fighting to hold back the tears in his eyes. “I, um, guess you’ll be packing up your things? You have somewhere to stay right?”

Logan nodded. “I’ll be out of here as soon as I can, I won’t be long, I promise-“

“It’s okay. You can take as long as you need.”

Logan nodded as he stood and walked over towards the doorway. However, when he got there, he paused. “... Patton?”

“Yeah, Logan?”

“... Thank you. You’ve gifted me a lot of amazing and fun experiences over these past years, and you’ve always been so kind and supportive. You’ve taught me a lot about how to love, and that means the world to me.”

Patton smiled. A tear had slipped down his face, and he wiped it away.. “We’ll… we’ll still be friends despite all this… right?”

Logan nodded. “I’ll probably need a bit more time… but afterwards? Of course.”

-

Logan, Remus, Roman and Janus were curled up on the couch, once again having a movie night. They were watching Tangled (Roman had rigged the vote, as always. Safe to say Logan had been annoyed when he first learnt Roman hadn’t grown out of this petty habit).

Logan was starting to get a little tired. He let out a small yawn, curling up, head resting on the shoulder of the person beside him, who just so happened to be Remus. Remus looked down at him, smiling fondly at the shorter man, whose eyelids were drooping. “Tired, Lo?”

“No…” Logan insisted, before letting out a yawn.

Remus chuckled. “Think we need to get you to bed, Logan. Come on.” Remus slid his arms underneath Logan, before gently lifting him up bridal style. Logan immediately curled up to him. Remus began to carry him to his room, Roman and Janus calling goodnights as they went.

When they entered the room, Remus nudged the door closed with his foot, and went over to Logan’s bed. He gently led Logan down, before he pulled the duvet up, tucking him in. “Night, Loganberry.”

Logan smiled at the nickname, feeling another flutter in his chest, yawning as his eyelids drooped closed, “Night, Remmy…” He paused, before adding, “Love you…”

Remus chuckled again. “Aw, Lo, you’re making me blush. Love ya too, ya big nerd. Now get some sleep.”

Logan shook his head, grabbing Remus’ wrist before the other walked off.. “No, Rem. You don’t get it. I don’t love you in a platonic way. I  _ really _ love you. Like,  _ really _ really. Romantically.”

Remus blinked down at him, face burning a little. “... Huh?”

Logan hesitated, before sitting up, pushing his tiredness aside. “I know why I couldn’t fall for Patton, Rem. It’s because of you. You’re who my heart belongs to.”

“... Lo, are you being serious?”

Logan nodded. “It’s always been you.” He threw caution to the wind, leaning up, and he gently pressed his lips against Remus’.

And Remus pressed back, his arms wrapping around Logan.

And that’s how they stayed for a moment or so, until they ran out of breath and pulled away.

“I really love you too, Logan.” Remus paused. “Are you sure about this? It’s not too soon after Patton, is it?”

Logan shook his head. “It’s not. I’m ready, Remus. Can I be…” he let out a yawn, getting visibly sleepy again, “your boyfriend…?”

Remus smiled, tucking Logan back in. “I’d love that, Loganberry. More than anything.”

The tired smile and blush that graced Logan’s face made Remus’ heart soar. Logan gently pulled Remus down so he was led on the bed as well, before cuddling up to him. Remus ran a hand through his hair. “Goodnight, boyfriend.”

The blush on Logan’s face grew somehow stronger as he responded, equally parts sleepy and happy, “Goodnight, boyfriend…”

-

As Logan stared at himself in the mirror, he couldn’t stop smiling. He’d never been more happy and excited and, honestly, giddy with nerves in his entire life. The gorgeous white dress that faded to blue at the bottom, the veil falling down his back, the bouquet of blue and green flowers in his hands… god, he couldn’t believe the day was finally here. Over a year's worth of planning, and now it was finally his big day. On the other side of the door just around the corner stood the love of his life!

The love of his life who would soon be his husband. His heart soared just thinking about it.

He felt a kick, and chuckled, one hand lying on his raised belly. “You’re excited too, huh? Not too much longer now...”

As if on queue, he heard the door to the room open. He turned around, and his father took his arm. “Are you ready?” Emile asked.

“I’ve never been more ready for anything,” Logan replied.

The two left the room, heading down the hall, around the corridor, and finally going through the large doors in front of them. 

All eyes were on Logan, but Logan didn’t care, his own eyes trained to the opposite end of the room. At the head of the room stood the wedding officiant, and Roman and Janus, who were the best men. But it was Remus who Logan’s eyes were focused on. And god, the flutters in Logan’s chest were stronger than ever before. For someone whose identity revolved around being gross, Remus scrubbed up very well. The suit he was wearing made him look really handsome.

As Logan reached the front of the hall, Emile let go of his arm and took his seat. Then, the wedding officiant began speaking, but Logan was barely paying attention. He was too excited. From this day forward, Remus would be his husband. When they got back from their honeymoon, they’d be moving into a new house together, just the two of them. Though not for long; in a few months, they’d be having a baby. Everything was perfect.

“Do you, Remus Grimm, take Logan to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

“And do you, Logan Picani, take Remus to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

This time, Logan didn’t hesitate. “I do.”

“Then, by the power vested in me, I pronounce you partners for life. You may kiss the groom.”

Remus wrapped one arm around Logan’s waist while the other hand rested on Logan’s baby bump, and everyone let out an applause as their lips pressed together. They stayed there for a moment, before pulling away.

“I love you Logan.”

“I love you too, Remus."


End file.
